Scheduled Families
Posted by Breeze on Monday, March 10, 2008 at 7:08 amCategory: Breeze
I frequently see blog entries and hear comments about the woeful state of affairs when children are “over-scheduled,” but as far as I can tell, the definition of that state is pretty vague. To some it means kids being shuffled from one activity to another from morning to night, but for many others it seems that any child who has more than one activity is over-scheduled, and I’m a little tired of hearing other peoples’ opinions about how I organize my family’s day.
We do attend plenty of activities, don’t get me wrong. Tulip, Smiley, and I attend Tulip’s dance/gymnastics class on Mondays, a creative movement class on Tuesdays, either a playgroup or library story hour on Wednesdays, and a kindermusic-like class on Fridays. To hear some people discuss it, you’d think this was some new form of child abuse. When do those poor children have time to just play, they ask.
Let’s do the math. Dance class: 1 hour. Creative movement: 45 minutes. Library story time plus library puttering time: 1 hour or playgroup: 2 hours. Music class plus free play time: 1 1/2 hours. Grand total: 5 hours, 15 minutes per week on playgroup weeks, 4 hours 15 minutes on story time weeks.
Now let’s think about the hours we have during the week while their dad is working since that is the bulk of their waking time during the week. Yes, Tulip gets up at 7 and eats breakfast and plays with Daddy for a bit, but Smiley and I sleep until 8, so I won’t count that as play time. Here’s what I’ll count: 8-5 with a half hour lunch break spent together. 42.5 hours. Subtract 5.25 or 4.25 and there’s still plenty of play time in our over-scheduled week. I don’t think they’ll grow up not knowing how to climb a tree or make mud pies.
This post has been building for a bit, but the last straw was Tulip’s creative movement teacher, who knows that she also takes the ballet/tap/gymnastics class along with one other girl in the creative movement class and who is on the email list for our rather large playgroup. He responded to a comment about Tulip and her friend having played together the day before with the standard, “Oh, I’m so glad they get a chance to just play. So many kids are (wait for it) over scheduled.” I wanted to ask him how exactly he thought the class he had just taught figured in to that problem, but instead I just pointed out that we have an activity most days and still find the time to play both as a family and with friends. He was embarrassed, and I’m sorry for that, but shame on him. I guess I’m just dreading tomorrow’s class, so I’m writing about how much he irritated me so I won’t be hateful to him in person.
We’ve been taking his class for six months or so, and he ought to know I’m not there to make my kids’ lives harder. Tulip is giddy at the prospect of Mr. M’s class where she gets to hang like a cat, crawl like a lizard, and run like a wild child. Smiley’s too young to participate much, but he enjoys playing on the mats before and after class and watching the big kids during class.
I’m the first to admit that one of the reasons we have so many activities is because I need the break. It’s nice to plop down during story time at the library and know that Tulip is engaged and absorbing new things while I get to just sit on my behind and cuddle Smiley. Yes, I’m there for their (mostly her at this point) benefit, but I’m also there so that my little sponge girl will be soaking up what some other adult has to offer for a half hour or so. She can be a bit draining no matter how much I love her.
I firmly believe that there’s nothing wrong or unnatural in my feeling the need for this break. I live in a nuclear family, which is a very unnatural way for a family with small children to live. I see my siblings several times a month, and they do help out with my kids, and we see the grandparents monthly as well, but for most of human history, living in extended family groups every day was the norm. I find being alone with my kids day-in and day-out exhausting, so I get out and create the modern day approximation of an extended family. Miss D at the library? Another grandmotherly figure, and to be honest, one we see a good bit more of than my own mother. The kids in our playgroup? The cousins Tulip and Smiley don’t see because they all live an 8 or more hour drive away. Their moms and dads? Like aunts and uncles.
Tags: kids, Sanity Saver
March 10th, 2008 11:59
Hi Breeze. Thanks for stopping by my blog (I’m really enjoying the Ultimate Blog Party). I think you hit the nail on the head. There’s a big difference between “scheduled” and “over-scheduled”. As a type-A mom of three boys, I’m all about schedules.
Over-scheduling can be prevented. If it’s not longer fun, fulfilling or productive and it causes nothing but headaches, perhaps it’s time to cross it off the list.
We have a pretty busy schedule, although it’s seasonal. Son #1 and Son #2 are in Boy Scouts - they get a lot out of that (comaraderie, service projects, and they learn a lot). Son #2 and Son #3 play baseball (teamwork, good sportsmanship, physical fitness). I’m unashamed to admit that baseball allows me a couple of hours of fresh air and time to read a book, knit, chat with other adults…
Free play is very important, too, but the fact is, it’s a very different world from when I was growing up. We’d hop on our bikes in the morning, were told to be home by dark and that was pretty much it.
I’m enjoying your blog and will visit again. Please stop by mine from time to time.
March 10th, 2008 18:21
Thank the heavens for kids’ activities!!!
My 3 1/2 year-old has so much play time that she doesn’t know what to do with herself. She loves preschool and other activities. And I love it too. Makes me a much better mum if I can have a little downtime during the day to watch, observe and rest.
Yes, kids need to play. But they also need to learn, experience, be challenged, try new things, yada, yada, yada.
You speak the truth!
March 12th, 2008 04:36
I recently wrote a post about over-scheduled kids. I don’t think one activity a day is too much. I think “over-scheduled” is when the kids are no longer happy, or they are exhuasted and cranky from being shuffled from one activity to the next. I see it mostly in older children (kids my two older children go with) who are in school all day and then have activities until 5 or 6 at night. To me, that’s too much, especially when you have to factor in homework.
I absolutely took advantage of library story hour, gymnastics, and swim lessons when my kids were younger and, your’re right - moms need the break, too!
May 23rd, 2008 05:49
Hi - I have you bookmarked so was back for another browse around, I really enjoy your writing! I’ve always wondered who these over-scheduled kids were myself, maybe we’ll see them in high school but they love this stuff now!
I’m always a little torn in the summer when I’m not teaching (but have other sporadic professional activities) about taking my kids to school/daycare. Fact is we have to pay if they are there or not and I can get more done and be a sane person when they are there. Why not let them be in a place where someone is providing educational and fun activities, they have peers to play with, they eat all their vegetables, and they get in a solid nap? I did the stay at home mom thing for about 9 months and though it wasn’t the disaster I thought it might be I can’t say I was great at it either. As my oldest heads toward kindergarten we will have a two week “summer vacation” when he stops attending his daycare/pre-achool and is home with me (not to mention the many family vacations we have prior to that.) The question will then be do I keep baby home that whole time too while we continue to pay tuition for her? Probably will do a little of both. Son and I can have some older kid activities on our own (like a decadent matinee of a kids movie), while she gets in a good nap and learns new skills interacting with her friends.